I worked my ass off this week and gained, not lost weight. The gain wasn't no 1 pounder either. I'm so upset. These things happen, and I'm not perfect but it's VERY hard to stay motivated when you get some news like this. I know it's water, but it just makes me mad. Marc and I calculated my BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate) and decided that in order for me to lose 1 pound per week I need to eat 1390 calories and burn around 300 calories per day. I was eat FAR less per day, about 1,000 calories and only burning about 1,00 calories per week. This way I will lose weight, but not be under the 1200 calorie mark which I was told screwed with my metabolism this past week. I'm game, but I'm so frustrated.
The bigger issue I'm having to come to terms with is (and has peaked my frustration) was looking at some old pictures I found while cleaning out a drawer in the closet and was MAD at what I saw. I mean PISSED OFF because I was so fat and I had grown comfortable in my skin. No one ever told me that I needed to lose weight, there is no way that the outside world couldn't see that I was fat but I would deny how heavy I was because I was always told I looked good when I asked. no one ever told me the truth, and I believed in the lie because I wanted to believe it. I feel upset because I was in such denial and I didn't have someone to tell me the truth...the truth was that I was KILLING MYSELF. Before y'all get upset with me, I know weight loss is completely, 100% the responsibility of said overweight individual.
To be honest, I would look at people and say man they are really heavy and not see that I was probably bigger than them. I had no idea. I'm mad because I wish someone wouldn't have said to me "Chetney, you look great" and would have actually said "Chetney, let's go for a walk", or "Chetney, is something bothering you at home, let's talk it out" .
I look back at it, and I think...do I do that? Do I notice when people around me are floundering? I hope I do? I would never come up to a friend and be like "wow you're gaining weight, what's up"? I would (and do) however, say something like "do you want to go to the park with me", something like that. Have you had any conversations with the ones you love? Please do, because as a women in transition, I feel really upset about it. I know we judge people daily, and we don't want to be rude but...
I think being courageous means saving someone's life, not keeping them in denial.
Let's start a conversation. If we can't talk to the one's we love, who can we talk to?