Friday, April 6, 2012

A Champion

Have you ever tried to blog without thinking about what you are writing? Just writing from the heart? Here's my attempt...

I've had a pretty much crap day today. A lot of stress has felt pretty bottled up in me. Marc went to two seperate tours/interviews at that place (discussed in previous post, I won't be posting the name). He thought he was taken off of a no hire list since he worked there when he was 12 years ago. He was called today and told he was actually still on the no hire list (life long no hire).

It was really hard for him to hear. His hopes were obviously up after two visits to said place. He hurt his hand out of frustration and I just wanted to melt into a pool of liquid sadness. I hate that he feels when stuff like this happens to him, it seems that no matter how far he's come in life, past issues creeep up and haunt him.

It kills me.

A few other problems are going on right now in my life that I haven't really been talking about. I feel like a replaceable person to a lot of people in my life and it makes me really upset. I'm trying to get through it and just to let it pass. I know that I am a good friend, but I think people forget that.

I called my mom and cried cried cried. She told me that my whole life I've been a champion, and have worked through insurmountable odds. She read the definition to me " One that is clearly superior or has the attributes of a winner, An ardent defender or supporter of a cause or
another person, One who fights; a warrior."

It did make me feel does this song.

I've had it on repeat. Something about it is helping me just deal.

You ever have those days where yeah, things are going wrong, but there seems to be something more underneath all that worry and sadness? That's today.

Seems like "today" could be considered my everyday.

My brain feels cloudy, wish I could go running at midnight. Can't shake this cloud today. Sorry.


Frickin' Fabulous at 40 said...

I think it might have to do with your decision to stay home. Even with knowing you will be doing something SO important as to care for a loved one, do you feel like you don't have a purpose? You still have school, though, which with your degree, will help you get out of the financial slump so many of us are in right now. If you continually feel like this, even though we seem to get the chipper side of you here, you should never be ashamed to get help or ask for help. Glad you shared that not every day is rosie for you, too. We're all in this together! Feel better!

Mollie said...

I am so sorry love...I know it must be hard. Sometimes it just seems like everything is working against you..i just hate that you're going through all of this now! I hope it all gets better...I feel exactly like you...about being replaceable..but we've had this talk. As much as you love the people in your life, if they don't make an effort to keep you in theirs, they are the losers, not you! I love ya